You should tuck away the richness of your heritage.

The Weight We Carry: Unpacking the "Shoulds"

You should be grateful for the seat at the table – even if you're the one constantly cleaning it. You should soften your power, be less "intimidating" – because a strong Black or Brown woman? Apparently, that's a threat. You should navigate the spaces you’re in with a smile that could diffuse a tense situation, patiently explaining your existence while simultaneously outperforming everyone else. You should tuck away the richness of your heritage, twist your tongue into some "acceptable" version of the language you speak, shrink your glorious self to fit into little boxes which are not our colours. That's what they sold us as the path to success, right? A fancy title, a packed calendar showcasing how busy you are, carrying everyone else's burdens, with a fleeting moment of "self-care" before the next wave of burnout.

And if you dare to step into the entrepreneurial arena? The "shoulds" just put on a different shade of lipstick. You should hustle until your eyes burn and your soul feels paper-thin, all for the 'gram-worthy fantasy of the tireless founder. You should constantly justify your vision, battling the tired narrative that our ambition is somehow less valid, our ideas less groundbreaking. You should navigate funding circles that often seem to have a "closed" sign specifically for us. Where do these tiresome "shoulds" even come from? Those whispers in the hallways, the microaggressions, the deep-seated biases – echoes of a world not designed for our magic.

The real cost of these "Shoulds," sisters? Our authentic, unapologetic selves.

The Personal Price: Losing Ourselves in the Noise

The real cost of these "Shoulds," sisters? Our authentic, unapologetic selves. Our joy – remember that vibrant feeling? Our precious, hard-earned peace. The constant performance, the exhausting mental gymnastics of code-switching, the relentless battle against that lying imposter syndrome – it's soul-crushing. It chips away at our confidence, plants seeds of doubt, makes us question our inherent right to simply be in our full, glorious power.

Trust me, I've walked this path. Early in my corporate journey, my vibrant Ankara dresses and bold, colorful blouses felt like an extension of my very being. Then came that conversation, the one that still echoes. A sister, advising me to dim my light for acceptance. Soon after, a comment about my natural hair being "unprofessional." The message was clear: to succeed, I needed to erase myself. I traded my joy for navy and grey, squeezed into uncomfortable clothes, the physical discomfort mirroring the internal conflict. I became a "yes" woman, believing hard work, even unseen, would suffice. The subtle comments, the overlooked contributions – the message was always there. Then came the quiet unraveling, a friend's simple question highlighting the extent to which I had silenced myself.

Here's the straight-up truth: those "Shoulds" aren't ours.

Reclaiming Our Power: Rewriting the Rules

Here's the straight-up truth: those "Shoulds" aren't ours. They're dusty hand-me-downs that need to be tossed in the fire. It's time to challenge every single one that clashes with our values, our vision, and our well-being. Time to unpack those heavy burdens and decide what we will unapologetically leave behind.

For me, the turning point was realizing the "Shoulds" were suffocating me. True change came not from doing more, but from shifting my strategy – taking ownership of my time, my energy, my vision, my very self. My personal style became an intentional expression of joy. My hair, a crown I wear with pride. My space, a sanctuary. Boundaries became non-negotiable. Expressing my needs, an act of strength. Taking ownership of my finances, a source of empowerment. Most importantly, I learned to extend grace to myself.

We are not here to fit in.

Our Collective Rise: Defining Success on Our Terms

Sisters, the power to redefine starts with us. It starts with recognizing the weight of these "shoulds," questioning their validity, and daring to forge our own paths. We are not here to fit in. We are here to rise, to lead, and to build a world where our brilliance is not just tolerated, but celebrated.

What "shoulds" are you ready to finally dismantle, sister? Let's ignite this conversation and build a world where our crowns shine as brightly as our brilliance.

"Rise together, shine brighter!"

Aïcha Dandjouma

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